“Jody,” the catch all name for the man who steals your girl while you’re away from her for Army reasons – Basic Training, deployment, JRTC, NTC, the field for a week, jodyetc. The term Jody almost always refers to a civilian male. Every Soldier who’s spent even a modicum of time in the Army knows that the Army is rife with infidelity on the part of Soldiers and their boyfriends/girlfriends/wives/husbands alike. I even knew of a chaplain whose “chaplain” wife cheated on him while she was deployed to Afghanistan and he was back in the States. One phrase you hear a lot in the aftermath of a female cheating on the male Soldier she was with is “Jodie did me a favor.” No, son, you did Jody a favor. I’ll explain why.

You see, Soldier, Jody has the wherewithal to avoid doing what you’re doing. He’s got smarts you lack. You willingly signed yourself up to become part of an organization that tears you away from civilization to put your life in danger for meaningless reasons in the name of a people who elects charlatans like Barrack Obama or Mitch McConnell. You willingly signed up to do the biddings of the pornography and abortion capitol of mankind while Jodie went to college and had a lot of fun. Jody never got smoked, never was forced to do PT at 6:30 AM, or told to sit in a dirt hole and wait to get shot at during the night in some foreign hellhole full of people who don’t want the democracy your government is cookin’.

I am a firm believer of survival of the fittest, and Jody was fitter than you were, at least in his ability to assess the outcomes of life choices. I’ve met one such Jody before, and one of my friends was trying to convince him to join the Army. You know what Jody said? He said “hah, yeah, join the Army so I can be around only men for months on end in the prime of my life.” Jody, whom you supposedly defend with your life and are willing to die for, got plenty of women in college while you got sloppy 32nd’s off base, or on base if you hooked up with one of the few female Soldiers who don’t look like an ogre (and if you did hook up with an ogre or two, maybe you should consider where your choices are taking you and plot another path).

Right now, if you’ve been a victim of Jody and read this you might need a hug. Well, take some consolation that I am in the Army too so I’ve made the same dumb decisions, so you’re not alone comrade. Take heart, because you at least are now aware to some degree of the problem, and you can work on fixing it. You need to stop being a tool of a corrupt government and process out of the Army as soon as possible. You need to stop abandoning your women to Jody, which is what you’re doing from now on when you reenlist because now you know better. Stop doing Jody favors by leaving your girlfriend to him while putting yourself in situations where you could become maimed or killed “cuz democracy.” Your countrymen are mostly unworthy of your efforts, noble soul, and you can better protect your loved ones by being with them. If Crackghanistan or some other godless Islamic, female castrating hellhole needs democracy, Jody can join up, or Barrack Obama’s daughters, or George “Texas Air National Guard” Bush’s nephew, all of whom are saying “fuck the military” or pull a classic Bush and join something like the JAG corps to get a lil military cred for the political career down the road, where they’ll send your dumb ass to take a bomb in a Humvee while their cousin at the arms lobbying firm out of Alexandria makes bank.

Stop being a sucker and stop handing Jody your women. He’s only taking advantage of your mistakes. You’re not better than Jodie because you’re an Army man. Go home, use your GI Bill, work hard in school, party and find yourself a good girl and actually spend your life with her and your kids. Take the load of Army stress off your shoulders for good, and put the bad times in the past.

*NOTE: I’m blessed to have never been a victim of Jody myself, but the Army has made it very hard for me to maintain relationships with women.


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